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DeSmit: Letters to Santa tell us a lot about kids | Editorials

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(Note: Scott Desmett is on vacation. This article was originally published in 2013 and Amy has moved on to bigger and better things.)

Since we are a channel to Santa, every year we receive thousands of letters from children.

The curse of our existence, and especially the curse of Ami’s existence.

She’s our secretary/office manager and the one who annually reminds teachers to get Santa’s letters on time that gets into a complicity when the deadline comes and goes, and only half of the schools have delivered the letters.

You’ve got us all writing and rearranging letters this week.

(Note: Santa does not surf the Internet. So buy a subscription to the actual newspaper if you want your child to have Christmas. Plus we offer free stuff if you do and your kids won’t hate you forever.)

Anyway, I love Santa’s letters.

First, they show how greedy children are. Well, not greed. Just clueless.

Do they know how much the PlayStation 4 costs?

Daryl wants one, along with a rope long enough so he can get to his bed so he can lie there all day and night and play “Black Cops,” the game he asked for.

I’m sure he meant Black Ops but a video game called Black Cops is more entertaining.

Another 6-year-old wants an iPhone and an iPad.

Any parent who persuades Santa to bring in a 6-year-old iPhone should be reported. or committed.

Another 6-year-old wants a cell phone and a horse. This way he can call ahead when he goes to town to rob the general store.

Fortunately, not all kids want computers, video game systems, and $40,000 pickup trucks.

No, some are sweet and simple.

Angelina wants “a lot of rubber bands.”

I’m not sure what purpose you’ll use it for, but I’m sure Santa Claus is grateful for the easy request.

Aurora wants a slinky. Slinky! Her parents must be very proud and happy.

Lots of kids want animals. hamster; Puppies and kittens. A child wants a turtle.

Lily is not on the beaten path.

She asks me, “I want a doll, a real monkey, and a real zebra for my sister.”

Megan wants four animals.

“I want three live dogs and one live cat,” she asks.

Unlike three dead dogs and the rotting corpse of a cat killed on the road.

Other kids ask Santa to bring gifts for parents.

Another Lily asks for a car she can drive and something special for her mom.

“A great mop bucket for mom,” she asks.

I have not yet seen a cold bucket mop.

Xavier must have had an amazing mother. This or she is in “Hunger Games”.

“And my mother brought a bow and arrow.”

Jean doesn’t want much. She just wants to change Santa.

“Why are you so sneaky and shy? Meet new people.”

You would make someone a wonderful wife.

Santa’s letters make me jealous too. I miss a lot because I’m not a kid anymore and haven’t been a kid in a long time.

“I want a computer and a Fart Gun,” Erin asks.

fart gun? Did they actually do such a thing?

I was going to kill for a Fart Gun when I was 6. Heck, I’m going to kill for one now. Oh, the people I’m going to target.

Flatulence is funny and always will be. This Erin must be one hip chick.

Maybe you’ll invite me on a play date over the Christmas holidays.

I really, really want to know how you load the Fart Gun.

And I have a lot of ammo.

(Scott Desmit is general assignments correspondent for the Daily News. He can be reached at desmitmail@yahoo.com.)

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